Making friends can feel surprisingly complicated once you become an adult. The people who once became part of your everyday life are suddenly busy with careers, relationships, children, relocation and responsibilities. Catching up is no longer as simple as seeing someone at school, university or in your neighbourhood.

Research suggests there is a reason adult friendships can feel so difficult.

Psychologist and friendship expert Dr Marisa Franco says part of the problem is that adulthood removes many of the environments that naturally allow friendships to develop.

“When we were younger,” Franco explained in an American Psychological Association podcast, people had “continuous unplanned interaction and shared vulnerability” through school, university and other regular activities. As adults, those opportunities become less common because we are no longer routinely placed in environments that encourage that kind of connection.

Work, for example, may put us around the same people every day, but professional boundaries can make genuine vulnerability more difficult. That means adult friendship often requires something that childhood friendship did not: intention.

A 2023 systematic review examining 38 studies on adult friendship and wellbeing found that friendship was generally associated with better wellbeing. The researchers found that friendship quality and socialising with friends were particularly important, while efforts to maintain friendships were also positively associated with wellbeing.

So having fewer friends as you get older does not necessarily mean something is wrong. Franco explains that research shows people’s number of friends tends to peak in their young to mid-twenties before tapering off. This can partly reflect a shift in priorities, with people becoming more selective about where they spend their time and emotional energy. The problem comes when being selective turns into becoming disconnected.

Research highlighted by the American Psychological Association has linked social connection with physical and psychological wellbeing, while poor-quality relationships and social disconnection can have serious consequences for health. Yet one of the biggest barriers to adult friendship may be our reluctance to make the first move.

Franco says people often believe friendships should happen naturally, but research suggests those who see friendship as requiring effort are less likely to experience loneliness because they are more willing to initiate contact.

There is also evidence that we may underestimate how much other people like us. Research into the “liking gap” found that people tend to underestimate how positively others view them after an interaction. The American Psychological Association notes that this can make people unnecessarily hesitant to reach out and form new connections. That means the thought of “they probably don’t want to hear from me” may sometimes be an assumption rather than reality.

Friendship also requires vulnerability. According to Franco, people can become closer when they are willing to reveal more about themselves, despite the fear that doing so might make them appear awkward or expose them to rejection. And friendship is not only about being supported when life goes wrong.

Franco points to research showing that how friends respond to positive news can influence relationship satisfaction. Having someone who is genuinely excited about your achievements can be an important part of a healthy friendship.

Interestingly, research published in 2026 also suggests we may underestimate everyday conversations. A study highlighted by the American Psychological Association found that people often expect ordinary conversations to be less enjoyable than they actually are.

That matters because friendship does not always begin with a deep conversation. Sometimes it starts with saying hello, asking someone to join you for coffee or simply following up after a good conversation.

For adults looking to build stronger friendships, the research points towards consistency and initiative. Joining activities where you regularly encounter the same people can create opportunities for connection, while reaching out rather than waiting for someone else can help move an acquaintance towards friendship.

Adult friendships may require more planning than they once did. There may be calendars involved, cancelled plans and long gaps between seeing each other. But that does not make them less meaningful.

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